It's the most wonderful time of the year. Are you tired of hearing that yet? It seems like every year the "Christmas season" gets longer. The countdown to Christmas started right after Halloween this year. We all know our teachers lied about the real story of the 1st Thanksgiving so no one really wants to make a big deal about Thanksgiving until we figure out how to feel. Folks have strung their lights and hung their stockings. We've trimmed our trees and started to mentally prepare to deal with our shady aunts and favorite cousins.
In the spirit of Chrimmuh I asked my Facebook friends about a Migos Christmas album and one of my friends said their Christmas song would go something like:
The bells the bells they jingling (whoo)
Rudolph nose still blinging (drama!)
The presents santa bringing em (mama!)
That reminded me: Black people make the best and most beautiful music. I love Christmas songs performed by Black Artists. We took something bland, sprinkled our flavor on it and created a new genre: Black Ass Christmas Songs. I love Black Ass Christmas Songs. I'm good for 2 step to Bing Crosby's version of Baby It's Cold Outside or Mariah's "All I want for Christmas" but neither can get me in the mood like black ass versions of Christmas classics.
If instead of going caroling you're going to be home boiling hamhocks for your greens we've got the top 12 songs you will need to get through this Christmas season:
12. 69 Boyz. I'm willing to concede this is a regional cult classic. It is not truly a Christmas countdown in South Florida until you hear the 69 Boyz tell you their Chrimmuh List. Who has the plug on 5 months free rent though?
11. Ying Yang Twins "Deck The Halls."
Grab some Girbuad jeans and a pair of Soldier Rees. All I want for Christmas is for Kaine & D Roc to know they were born to make this song.
10. "DMX: Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer."
Earl Simmons changed the game with this one. In one take he effortlessly recalled the names of all of Santa's reindeer while also doing his own background vocals and making his own beat. Your fav could not hold a flame to Dark Man X in his prime. Salute the legend.
9. James Brown "Santa Claus Go Straight to the Ghetto."
There are no chimneys in the ghetto and black people are not about to leave our house open for some random white man to be plundering around in the middle of the night. James performed this to let us know Santa Claus does, in fact, slide through the ghetto.
8.TLC "Sleigh Ride"
Finally a Christmas song we can do the electric slide to. This is the closest we're gonna get to a Christmas song we can dance to in a way that won't make your grandma clutch her pearls.
7. Destiny's Child "8 Days of Christmas."
Bey, Michelle and Kelendria sang about their experiences getting a Mercedes and other extravagant gifts before Bae ran out of money and decided "Netflix & chill" is also a gift. Let this be a lesson to all of you to secure the bag before he tries to get you some "quality time" as a gift.
6. Eartha Kitt "Santa Baby."
Leave it to the fabulous Eartha Kitt to bless us with a song about finessing Santa with such a sultry tone we're sure Santa doesn't know what hit him. *kitten purr*
5.Donny Hathaway "This Christmas"
This song is dripping with Black Excellence. No one can sing this song like Donny. Everyone who sang this song after Donny is just someone tryna sing it like Donny sang it.
4. Luther Vandross "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas."
Nobody has me wanting to make sure I have a Merry Christmas like Luther. Mr. Vandross is a legend and we are lucky he chose to leave us some Christmas music gems before he went on to Glory.
3.Jackson 5 "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."
Michael N 'Nem made sure Santa rolled into town to an irresistible rhythm.
2. Boys II Men "Let it Snow."
Holidays with this song playing in the background are bound to result in lasting memories. Nothing like the harmony of Marc, Nate, Mike, Shawn and Wanya to get us in the mood for making whoopie while snow falls. They did not make a video for this and they missed the perfect opportunity to wear white on white (again).
1. Temptations "Silent Night."
This is quite possibly the most beautiful version of this song. It ain't Christmas until you hear "Merry Christmas from the Temptations."
If anyone has a connect to Migos tell 'em the people still want a Christmas single.
What's your favorite black ass version of a Christmas song? Leave it in the comments.